feelings · reflection · Uncategorized


Hello again. It has been forever since I have written. At least a year. If anyone is still out there reading, thank you. Today I reflect on fulfillment. What does fulfillment mean to you? To me it means to feel whole. To feel peace and calm. I don’t have that in my life right now. I haven’t for, well at least a year now. How did I manage to lose site of myself and my passions so completely? I know how. that’s a post for another time though.

I want to have time for myself. I want to write and invoke emotions within people. I want to create and have people share my creations with others. I want to inspire. I want to travel and see the world. I want to be able to be myself and do the things I love without judgement and people trying to make me feel guilty for it. When did it become so wrong to want to better yourself and be happy? Are you happy? I’m not. I sit here drinking my coffee and thinking about where my life is in this moment and no I am not happy. I have fleeting moments of happiness but they float away like a balloon on the afternoon air.

My soul is not happy. I am not happy as a whole. I feel empty and like a lesser version of myself. How did I get here? The more important question is, how do I get out of here?

4th of July · fireworks · Independence Day · Magic

Family and Fireworks


Happy 4th of July!! This has always been one of my favorite holidays! Having spent ten years of my life growing up in Southern California where fireworks were illegal there is nothing more magical to me now than to be able to sit in the dark surrounded by my family and friends while watching one of the best displays of fireworks in the whole state of Montana. Seeing my little cousins and niece and nephew light up with pure joy as they lite their own kid friendly versions. Sometimes in life we get so caught up in the rat race that we forget to stop and appreciate the little things in life and all the good that surrounds us. I feel so grateful to have that people I do in my life and probably don’t tell them that enough. Hug your friends hug your family and enjoy this holiday. Celebrate not only our independence and the right of freedom but the little things that bring a smile to your face. Much love!

Europe · Romania · Study Abroad · travel

I Left My Heart Abroad


As I sit here drinking an evening coffee (I’ve only had two today that’s good for me!) I find myself reflecting on this past week and weird I feel. You see on Monday I returned from 3 weeks in Romania. Sibiu, Romania to be exact. It is located in the region of Transylvania (think Dracula). I went there for a study abroad session for my Master’s Program. I love to travel and while I knew I’d enjoy myself I never imagined that in such a short time I would fall in love. I fell in love with the city, the people, the history and the atmosphere.

This was the first time in over 10 years that I’d traveled to Europe. This was the first time I really got to immerse myself with the locals. The city has a medieval Gothic flair to it which I truly love. The people were so friendly and welcoming. I got to know some of the Romanian students well and wish I could have spent more time with them. I can’t explain fully how I feel but it’s as if a piece of heart was left behind in that city. I cried at the airport when they dropped me off. I truly didn’t want to come home.

It went by entirely too fast. I consider myself extremely lucky to have had this experience and am grateful to have made the new friends that I have. It’s been almost a week and I still miss them terribly. I hope that one day preferably soon that I can go back and spend more time with them and explore this new country that I have come to cherish. I find myself feeling incomplete now that I’m back home and wonder at how long this feeling will last or if it’s here to stay. I love my home and friends, my family but I have found a place that speaks to my soul as cliché as that sound. It gave me such a different perspective on life. I encourage everyone to travel abroad in their life and to experience everything that you can. Life is short and we only get one chance at it.

Robotics · STEM · travel restrictions

This All-Female Robotics Team Was Denied Entrance To The U.S. To Compete In A Competition — Dating, Breaking News, Celeb Gossip

FIRST Global An all-female robotics team from Afghanistan built a robot to compete in the FIRST Global Challenge competition in Washington, D.C. this summer — but sadly, the girls will not be able to watch their creation in-person. After traveling 500 miles twice to a dangerous location to apply for business travel visas, they were denied…

via This All-Female Robotics Team Was Denied Entrance To The U.S. To Compete In A Competition — Dating, Breaking News, Celeb Gossip

about · new blogger · personal growth · welcome

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my blog Koffee N Kontemplations. The older I get (I currently come in at a ripe age of 31) the more I stop caring about how I’ll be perceived and the more I care about being unapologetically me. I also find myself wanting to break out of my comfort zone and be vulnerable as I think it’s a way to grow and become a better version than the you of yesterday. So here I am starting my first personal blog, putting myself at the mercy of all of you. My hope with this blog is to not only grow myself but to help others grow. Perhaps you will see yourself in my reflections or journeys and can relate. I’m always open to feed back and great conversation so please feel free to leave comments.